I hate this feeling. The feeling of unhappiness with my life and where it's going. I feel like I'm going nowhere and I'm going there at full speed. I can't explain the feeling other then being lost in myself. I tell myself; "Just keep breathing and everything will be okay." I mean, all you can really do when you are lost is to keep breathing, right? What is it that people tell you to do if you ever get lost? Stay where you are until someone finds you. Well I've been sitting here for a long time. No one has found me yet.

So there is a quote that says

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep...wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the owld when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you...the one who turns to his friends and says, 'thats her'.."

And my boyfriend does all of that and more! I even wrote something similar to this a couple years back when I thought it was hopeless to find such a guy. I love my boyfriend, and for some strange reason I can't explain, he loves me like crazy! But I feel like he loves me more then I love him. That he is more commited then I am to him. But he is perfect! He does everything I've ever wanted a guy to do for me. And no, he isn't hot, but he is adorably cute and sweet. We like so much of the same thing too. But he wants to one day get married. He already KNOWS he wants to marry me and have a family. I'm still not sure. I wasn't planning on falling in love my first year of college. I thought I might date around, but not find my love. That I would graduate and move on with my life and carreer. And maybe be around 28 by the time I got married. Cause that would give me plenty of time to follow my orignal plan. To be able to support myself in my own apartment in the city where I worked and be stable and take care of my own business and bills. But if I get married in the next few years I wont be able to do that. Besides, I'm afraid one day I'll just suddenly fall out of love with him. Gah, I don't know. He is the perfect guy for me that came at the wrong time.